The Joy of Zeidahood

Rabbi Benzion Milecki - Shabbat Toldos

People are constantly asking me, "How does it feel to be a Zeida, Saba, Grandpa..."

And I must honestly answer, "Not a thing".

But that is only until I see my little grandchild. Then, something else takes over. An inexplicable sensation that fills me to the very core of my being as I melt away in the overwhelming pleasure of just looking at him. And that feeling of elation does linger.

One doesn't wish to over-rationalize such feelings. One wants to just revel in the moment, relish the joy.

I am however reminded of the story of the fifth Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Sholom DovBer, who was learning Torah while his child, Yosef Yitchak, slept nearby. His study partner, who was enthralled by the child's beauty, commented that his radiance must reflect an inner purity of mind. Hearing this, the Rebbe was moved by a strong desire to kiss the child. However at that moment he thought of the gold and silver that were used to beautify the Temple, transforming material substances into something holy and spiritual. He therefore decided to direct his overwhelming feelings of love into a more spiritual gift. He sat down and wrote a Chassidic discourse on the verse, "How wondrous are your Creations, O' G-d!"

When his child grew up, he presented him with the discourse, telling him it was Chassidishe Kush - a Chassidic Kiss.

We are not like the Holy Rebbes whose entire beings were suffused with holiness and purity and who therefore had the ability to sublimate their sense of self and ego.

Still there is something very powerful that we can learn from this story. One needs to transform the joy of the moment - which no matter how deep, is still transient -into something more spiritual, and hence permanent.

And that is the deep commitment to see the child grow up as a deeply committed Jew, who will hold the banner of Torah high.

After all, the subconscious reason for our overwhelming sense of joy is no doubt rooted in our sense that although we may eventually pass on (if chas v'shalom Moshiach doesn't come earlier), our seed will carry forward the baton of our values and beliefs after us.

I have complete confidence that our daughter Chana and her husband Rabbi Sender Kavka will create the nurturing Torah environment necessary for this to occur.

At this very special time Rebbetzen Henya and I, our mechutonim Rabbi Avrohom and Rebbetzen Shprintze Kavka, and the Great-Grandparents, both those who are blessed to be with us, and those who are (l'havdil bein chaim l'chaim) looking down from heaven - the Morozovs, Shagalows, Mileckis, Josephs, Kavkas and Friedmans - shower them and their young son with the blessings of all the generations of our holy people.

With our best wishes that simcha and joy pervade the lives of each of you, and your families.

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Benzion Milecki

P.S. At the time of writing, we don't as yet know if the bris will be held this coming Sunday, or whether it may have to be delayed a few days. Please stay tuned!


If you are in the area, please join us tonight for a l'chaim at the Sholom Zochor which will be held at our home between 9.30pm - 11.30pm this evening. (The Sholom Zochor is the traditional l'chaim of thanksgiving held on the first Friday night after the Bris.)