A Battle of Two Souls

Shabbat Toldot 5768 - Cheshvan 29 / Nov 9,10

The parasha commences with Rebecca's difficult pregnancy.We are told that she was so overwhelmed with the pain, that she even considered terminating it! This from a woman who had been barren for twenty years! It just doesn't make sense. After all, although many women have severe difficulty in carrying a baby to term, very few would consider termination, especially after so many years of childlessness. And here we are talking about Rebecca, one of the Mothers of our People.

Rashi explains that what troubled Rebecca was not physical pain, but mental anguish. You see, she had this sensation of movement every time she walked passed the Yeshiva of Shem. (Yes, they had Yeshivot even in those days to teach mankind morals and ethics and this one was led by Noah's son, Shem). So far so good. But then she noticed the same sensation when she went passed a place where they were worshiping idols!

Rebecca was perplexed and scared. She thought to herself that she had some kind of schizophrenic fetus inside her womb. This was not what she had waited for all those years of barrenness.

When she sought advice, she was told that this was no schizophrenic. Rather she had twins - and each had it's own interests. One with a desire to serve G-d and the other to worship idols.

There is a powerful lesson for us too in this story. Often enough we think of ourselves as no good hypocrites, perhaps even spiritual schizophrenics. We want to do, and do, what is right. But then five minutes later we do something wrong, something entirely inconsistent with our previous good behaviour. This leads us to thinking - "what's the point? No matter what I do, I am just no good!" Rather than give up the bad behaviour, we become overwhelmed and give up the good behaviour.

The parasha teaches us that like Rebecca whose womb contained both Jacob and Esau, there lies within each of us not one, but two souls. Each soul is fighting for domination. Sometimes one wins, sometimes the other. But hypocrites or schizophrenics we most certainly are not. It is only natural that when one soul gets it's way and is on the upper, the other soul will counter attack - just like two people wrestling with each other. We must persevere - for as we are promised in the parasha - in the end Jacob (our G-dly soul) will overcome.

In a similar vein, we ought not be too quick to point out the "hypocrisy" of others, a charge that as a rabbi I often hear (often from those who would do better examining themselves, but of course I can never say that...) Just like ourselves, those who we admonish also have two souls in constant battle with each other. Rather than dismissing the good because of the bad, we should better encourage and nurture the good.

Rabbi Benzion Milecki OAM